I don't know how to thank you.

Today is Veteran's Day.

I have no clue what to say. You have been there. You have seen things. People say, "Thank you for your service", or even a simple, "Thank you." I cannot imagine what flashes through your mind. Do you go back to that place? Do you go back to a certain day, a certain time, a certain moment? Do you see your buddy in your mind, forever 20 years old? Does your mind race, or does it go blank as it attempts to protect you from painful images?

I want to thank you, but I don't have the words. I want to thank you, but I do not want to cause pain. I want to thank you, but I simply do not know and will never understand the depth of what I am thanking you for.

You see, I grew up in a military town. I vowed to never marry someone in the military, and then, I found myself vowing my life and commitment to a man in his dress blues. I vowed to follow him wherever the army sent us, and I vowed to put my career on hold for the needs of our country. Sometimes, I feel I have sacrificed much, but that is such a selfish thought. Sometimes, I am jealous that my husband gets to do a job he loves and make an impact in the world. Sometimes, I wish we could settle down somewhere and be "normal". Sometimes, I wish I could trade places with him for a day just so he could see how hard I have it. And, yes, staying home raising two young boys IS hard. (At the same time, let's be honest, I'd fall out during PT.) I remind myself how blessed I am to be able to stay home with two healthy children. I remind myself how blessed I am to be able to see certain parts of the world. And, here, today, I remind myself that I am truly sacrificing very little. (This may be a topic for a whole other blog post.)

When I don't have the words to say to thank you, I am also thinking as a mother. Being a mother makes me think of your mother and of how proud of you she must be. Being a mother makes me think of how scared for you she also was or is. I am thinking as a wife. I am thinking of the things your wife endured while you served and how she wished she could share certain moments with you. I am thinking of my husband and how he tries to explain things to me, but also how he tries to protect me. How many times you must have hidden details in order to protect your loved ones. Thank you. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your willingness to serve our country. Thank you for the world you have helped create for my boys (and God, help me if they follow in your boots). Thank you for the things I don't know how to say.